


Dangerous as Love

by nightrose



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 20:13:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1482436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightrose/pseuds/nightrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire can never let himself ask for more than Enjolras gives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dangerous as Love

**Author's Note:**

> Short. Sad. Sorry. 
> 
> This is a gift for sclez. They don't have an A03, so I couldn't gift it to them officially, but yeah, this was inspired by their sad R headcanons. Now it's a sad R fic.

Grantaire has to be careful. 

It gets close, once. Just once. Enjolras is making love to him, or maybe fucking him would be a better word, because there’s no feeling behind it. Enjolras doesn’t love him. He has to remember that Enjolras doesn’t love him. But his touches don’t feel like the kind of casual, emotionless sex Grantaire’s had so many times in the past. Enjolras’ hands are gentle on his skin, and his body and Grantaire’s are moving together like they were made to, and he’s whispering words, sweet words, into the skin of Grantaire’s neck. He’s whispering that Grantaire is so sweet and feels so good and is so lovely underneath him, and just for a second Grantaire lets himself imagine that he says—that he means—the words that will never be true.

Grantaire lets himself imagine that Enjolras is whispering “I love you” into his skin too, and he shudders with the thought, his whole body shaking in a movement Enjolras luckily mistakes for pleasure.

After that, he’s stricter with himself. He has to make sure to take what he gets and not think of getting more. 

And it’s good. Of course it’s good, because he’s with Enjolras. Getting sworn at and insulted by Enjolras used to be the highlight of his pathetic life. Being in a relationship with Enjolras—casual and imperfect though it may be—is the best thing that has ever happened to Grantaire, by a significant margin.

Enjolras may not be in love with him, but he does care. He’s affectionate with Grantaire, during sex and especially after. 

They share a bed, more nights than not, and Enjolras never hesitates to pull Grantaire close and wrap his long limbs around him. Grantaire can have that, can soak up the feeling of being protected by Enjolras’ embrace, can accept the knowledge that however ugly he may be, he’s not too repulsive for Enjolras to touch.

Enjolras grins at his stupid puns, and sometimes makes them back, and Enjolras silly is a rare and wonderful thing Grantaire never expected to see, let alone cause.

Most nights, he’s out late, meeting with Combeferre and Courfeyrac to plan or simply to spend time with his best friends. When he isn’t, he’s usually lost in thought or an essay, one he’s reading or one he’s writing. Still, when Grantaire hesitantly interrupts his work to hand him a plate of food, Enjolras always takes the time to thank him, sincerely, even if he doesn’t make the time to eat dinner with him.

Enjolras calls Grantaire his boyfriend. He doesn’t love him, never says so, never calls him darling or sweetheart or love, no pet names that would ring false on his silver tongue. But when they meet new people, Enjolras presents Grantaire as his boyfriend. His. Part of his life. Grantaire is more than a shameful fumble in the dark. Enjolras is willing to be seen at his side. 

Every one of those things is enough. Every one of those things is more than Grantaire could ever ask. 

He has to let himself be happy. It doesn’t come naturally to him. Grantaire’s instinct is to let discontent lead to melancholy lead to misery. He has a responsibility, for his sake as well as for Enjolras’, to cut of the little part of his brain that tries to lead him down a dangerous path.

Enjolras will never love him, and one day, Enjolras will probably leave him.

He has to remember that, every second, or the loss, when it comes, will devastate him. He isn’t strong enough to survive it, unless he clings to what he has, unless he always remembers.

Enjolras doesn’t love Grantaire, but he allows Grantaire to love him, and that has to be enough.


End file.
